Born Again Nosey Parkers.

We have discovered that there are Christian people who imagine that they have the gift of encouragement, and many do, and who believe that encouragement is given by throwing out pious platitudes by the score, and telling cancer sufferers and their families that everything will be fine, there’s no problem, “look at me how well I got over it,” etc.

How cruel this can be to those with cancer and whose minds and emotions are in deep turmoil. They mean well, but do not have the Christian grace or sensitivity for this type of ‘pastoral counselling.’ The lack of spiritual experience always shows itself when such people open their mouths. It’s like expecting a joiner to carry out brain surgery.

My advice? Stay away from such people, and don’t discuss anything personal with them, for as sure as anything, they will open their mouth and put their two big feet right into it. They just do not know how to handle such sensitive and deeply personal situations. No wonder a Christian woman who has just learned of cancer in her family had to walk out of church because all that the other worshippers wanted when they asked about the situation was news, and showed no genuine care.

I suggested to the young woman’s father that perhaps she needed pastoral support from her minister – this is a Christian family. On a future visit to our home, I asked him how the visit from her minister went, and he said, the minister was a nice man but he didn’t stop talking.

In my book, that is not what a pastor does; his primary role is to listen and the patient needs to be heard. In fact, the patient is crying out to be heard, for someone to listen to them empathetically, to give them the opportunity in a safe and caring environment to express the deep emotions that are dominating their minds and hearts. Such a minister is not a pastor, whatever else he might think himself to be. After listening to the patient, he can then sum up the situation in his own mind, and offer sensitive biblical counsel and intelligent and relevant prayer. But if he does not stop talking, he will not be able to hear what is going on in the patient’s life, so be unable to offer any real pastoral help.

But how wonderful it is when you find someone who can engage with cancer suffers and their families in a most sensitive and gracious and humble way. Such people are real gems, and can add considerable understanding to the situation and provide the support those people need. They are certainly not know-alls, for they know their limitations only too well. But they have Christian grace and experienced-based knowledge which is invaluable.

People in difficulties will know who to turn to in time of need. There will be someone they know well, a Christian, to whom they can turn for support at a very trying time in their lives. It is important for sufferers to avail of whatever help is available, and to see this as God’s provision for them at this time. Thank God for them.