If we are too
self-dependent and not God-dependent, we cannot expect God to bless our
ministries, can we? Our life before God and others is critical, as is
our personal prayer life. I think we can still miss out spiritually if
we then have our dependence on our own self-sufficiency.
I
know how big a challenge my suggestion would be for me, so I almost
trembled after writing it. I have found great comfort, not so much in
God, but in my poor frail sermon notes. May God forgive me for this.
You
know me well enough to know how much I value learning in the Christian
ministry, so I am not discounting this whatever. On the contrary. What
I am trying to say is that I seem to have displaced God in favour of my
desk preparation, and not given sufficient time to heart preparation
before entering the pulpit. I wonder does this resonate with you, too?
I think we may have got our priorities wrong.
I
am speaking here from experience in my last work when there were people
who felt that the entire global victims work was dependent on their
efforts, and they felt they had to be at every congress in Europe and
internationally. These men were elevated by others who kept saying how well connected
they were at senior government levels and that were just the men to head
up this work. And they loved it. I was nauseated by it. Far too much
self-promotion at the expense of what we were there to do.
I know that Donald Macleod criticised DMLJ
for the same kind of reason, describing him in terms of the cardinal
archbishop of evangelicalism, arguing that he should have disallowed
lesser ministers attributing this position to him (See Engaging with Lloyd-Jones).
But DMLJ,
with whatever faults others saw in him, was mightily used of God. The
reason: he self-defined as a man of prayer and as an evangelist. And no
one can be an evangelist who is not first and foremost a man of
prayer.
Maybe,
like Paul, we might have to go into virtual seclusion in some "Arabia"
for 14 years before we can be of real use to Him. Perhaps, Like John, Patmos
is where we have to be exiled to if we can be of any use in His holy
service. Perhaps we like the praise of men too much; maybe secretly we
see ourselves as being indispensable to the Cause, though we would never admit that to others.
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